“Validate yourself. With yourself. For yourself. By yourself.” ~Unknown
I thought of this theory…hypothesis, rather. What if (external) validation is nothing more than:
Validating your Awareness of Living in Denial And Thinking Internal, Ongoing, Negative thoughts?
Simply, I believe that external validation is a way to continuously deny yourself happiness, and give into negative thoughts. I also believe that we are very aware of our yearning for external validation.
External Validation vs. Positive Attention
You may ask, “well isn’t this healthy? External Validation…because then that means there is positive attention?” The answer may be no. External validation is very different from positive attention. External Validation is when you are seeking the approval of others in order to be happy and positive attention is a praise for something that you already know you’ve done well. For instance: If you write a poem and then ask someone “is it okay?” That’s seeking external validation. If you write a poem, knowing it’s great and someone TELLS you that it’s great…that’s positive attention. With positive attention, external validation will not hold precedence over how you feel about YOU, your talents, and your decisions.
Why internal validation?
While it does feel rather amazing to receive external validation, internal validation is actually your healing MEDICATION. Internal validation allows you to accept YOU just as you are without needing much approval and it helps you to stop over-judging yourself!
Of course there are some tips to help guide you towards learning to validate yourself:
1. Recognize When You Are Judging Yourself: All of our emotions begin internally. Take notice of the moments when you question your emotions, harshly. This is judging yourself. When you notice that you are criticizing yourself, remind yourself that it is okay to feel human emotions. Remind yourself that it is okay to have these emotions and that you are in absolute control. If your emotions are negative, begin counteracting with positive thoughts versus dumping more negative thoughts on yourself. Work towards getting back to your baseline!
2. Be Mindful: Being mindful simply means being present. Be present in your strides throughout the day. Make yourself mindful of the positive words you speak to yourself, and the positive words you speak to others. As you make yourself more conscious, you will notice that the little judgement bird, whistling in your ear, will fly away!
3. Value Yourself: Simple! When you want validation from others, ask yourself “what do I desire someone say to me?” When you’ve solidified this answer, tell it to yourself!
Remember that you must be a part of your own support system and you must Heal YOU!